SEXUALITY: WHAT MAKES A GOOD TOP?

Here's a question for all the other "TOP's" out there; "what do you think it is that bottoms want most?" 

Or maybe a better way to ask this question is, "what do you think other gay or bi men want from you during sex? Or what, do you think they are looking for from other tops?"

Conversely, for all the bottom guys out there (especially you hungry, bossy ones), I ask, "what makes a good TOP for you?"

Drawing from my own personal experiences, I would initially answer "well my 9.5 inch cock straight up their ass of course. Long, hard, and deep too..." Pardon my french, I'm just keeping it real. 😋

But there are others out there in the online universe that would suggest otherwise (see below): 

1)  "Listening and being highly attuned to one’s partner’s needs are the key to being the best top in the bedroom.

 2)  Getting consent, whether verbal or nonverbal: a top should be able to “pick up on his (bottom’s) silent and sometimes not so silent cues, you can learn what he likes and doesn’t like,” one Redditor advised. He added: Usually, a bottom wants a top who’s dominant but understands and respects boundaries, sometimes knowing when to push and when to stop. It’s not always about throwing guys around or forcing them on their knees. It’s also about making him relinquish some of his power to you and in doing so, feel a bit powerless". 

3)  On a lighter note, probably the most popular answer you would find would be: lubricant (and silicone lubricant at that). Lube is essential. Use lube, and lots of it.  

4)  Another particular Redditor advised and said that communication is “now a big key to being a good top.” Further, he explained in detail: “Ask them if it feels good, or if it hurts or anything you think that will help you and your partner enjoy it more.” 

5)  Another suggestion was: “Don’t freak out if there's a little mess or smell,  it can make a bottom feel super self-conscious and bad." They way I look at it is, "Hey! Shit happens sometimes (literally)". All the more reason to wear a condom sometimes: it makes for a great quick and easy clean up in which afterwards you can just bounce if need be (no need to linger and/or shower afterwards, you can just bounce). 👍 

6)  And finally (although I think this one is oftentimes way over rated): foreplay, and lots of it, why? Because foreplay can make sex hotter and enjoyable. It can also lower ones inhibitions and make the two of you “feel more connected in and out of the bedroom."

 

 

So that's all I got..what about you guys? What do you think makes a good TOP? 

SOURCE: 

Economics, Sexuality, and Male Sex Work by Trevon D. Logan (Author)

Male sex work generates sales in excess of one billion dollars annually in the United States. Recent sex scandals involving prominent leaders and government shutdowns of escort websites have focused attention on this business, but despite the attention that comes when these scandals break, we know very little about how the market works. Economics, Sexuality, and Male Sex Work is the first economic analysis of male sex work. Competition, the role of information, pricing strategies and other economic features of male sex work are analyzed using the most comprehensive data available. Sex work is also social behavior, however, and this book shows how the social aspects of gay sexuality influence the economic properties of the market. Concepts like desire, masculinity and sexual stereotypes affect how sex workers compete for clients, who practices safer sex, and how sex workers present themselves to clients to differentiate them from the competition.

Sexuality: Why Do Straight Men Have Gay Sex?

In the past, I've asked myself if it’s possible for a straight guy to be in lust with another guy and what if he acted on that lust and have sex with another man, is he still straight?

Popular reasons cited as to why men sleep with other men include curiosity and intoxication; even so, others argue that it simply isn’t possible for a straight man to sleep with another man and remain straight; if a man had sex with another man, then he is therefore, gay.

Dr. Robert Burriss

But Dr. Robert Burriss suggested in his article titled, “Why Do Straight People Hook Up With Same-Gender Partners?” that it is highly likely it was desire which played a huge part to men and women’s decision to engage in same-sex hookup. As for the why, Dr. Burriss—an evolutionary psychologist—explained that “desire and behavior are not the same as identity.” He further explained that “A person can identify as straight but still desire or engage in sexual contact with persons of the same gender.”

His conclusions were drawn based on a recently concluded study titled, “Heterosexual College Students Who Hookup with Same‑Sex Partners” where almost 700 (383 men and 312 women) of the 24,000 participants, all of whom were straight college students, admitted to having same-sex hookup. Of these more or less 700 people:

• 12 percent identified as straight men
• 25 percent identified as straight women
• 29 percent enjoyed the encounter and were likely to have had previous same-sex hookups; more than half of them “wanted to enter in a longer term relationship with their partner.”
• it was likely the first time for 22 percent of them and over 70 percent of that “reported binge drinking prior to the encounter.” They were the “drunk and curious” type.
• 21 percent of them were most likely intoxicated women, they engaged in the same-sex encounter in the public “maybe for show,” they are believed to be “enacting a social script” to “encourage performative bisexuality for the arousal of male peers.”
• 12 percent, mostly women, “loved it but religious.” They most likely attend religious services and over half of them admitted that their “religious views influenced their opinions about sex.” However, they also enjoyed their same-sex experience and will most likely “pursue it further.”
• 9 percent felt “little enjoyment” and three-fifths of them said they did not enjoy the hookup at all. Participants under this group were said to have known their partners before the encounter “which was unlikely to have progressed beyond kissing.”
• 7 percent, all male and religious, were classified as “just not who I can be.” They believed that “same-gender sexual contact is wrong” though they reportedly enjoyed their same-sex hookup but only moderately.

Dr. Burriss added that most of these students are “unlikely to be ‘closeted’ or ‘secretly gay,'” although some of them will “no doubt transition to a gay, lesbian, or bisexual identity, but others will continue to identify as straight.”



SOURCE

METRO-SEXUAL in America today - a focus on Men's Fashion, Pop Culture, Urban Living, and anything sexual

NEW BOOK RELEASE, "Erotic Capital" The Power of Attraction in the Boardroom AND the Bedroom

Author: Catherine Hakim

Description

In 2010, pioneering sociologist Catherine Hakim shocked the world with a provocative new theory: In addition to the three recognized personal assets (economic, cultural, and social capital), each individual has a fourth asset—erotic capital—that he or she can, and should, use to advance within society. In this bold and controversial book, Hakim explores the applications and significance of erotic capital, challenging the disapproval meted out to women and men who use sex appeal to get ahead in life. 

Social scientists have paid little serious attention to these modes of personal empowerment, despite overwhelming evidence of their importance. In Erotic Capital, Hakim marshals a trove of research to show that rather than degrading those who employ it, erotic capital represents a powerful and potentially equalizing tool—one that we scorn only to our own detriment.

Hakim proposes that in addition to economic, social and cultural capitals, each person, additionally, is or isn't endowed with  "erotic capital," subdivided into six different but interrelated "assets": 

1. beauty
2. sexual attractiveness
3. social skills (like grace, charm, and flirting)
4. liveliness (a mixture of physical fitness, social energy and good humor)
5. social presentation (including dress, jewelry and other such adornments)
6. sexuality itself competence, energy, imagination)

Homophobic Men Most Aroused by Gay Male Porn | Psychology Today

Homophobia Associated with Penis Arousal to Male on Male Sex

Even a man who thought that women want to have sex with their fathers, and that women spend much of their lives distraught over their lack of a penis is right sometimes. This person, the legend that is Sigmund Freud, theorized that people often have the most hateful and negative attitudes towards things they secretly crave, but feel that they shouldn't have.

If Freud is right, then perhaps men who are the most opposed to male homosexuality have particularly strong homosexual urges for other men.

One study asked heterosexal men how comfortable and anxious they are around gay men. Based on these scores, they then divided these men into two groups: 

• men that are homophobic
• and men who are not homophobic

These men were then shown three different video's (all were 4-minute in duration). 

1. one video depicted "straight" sex
2. one video depicted "lesbian" sex 
3. one video depicted "gay male" sex

A Penile Plethysmography Device

While this was happening, a device (see diagram to the left) was attached to each participant's penis. This device has been found to be triggered by sexual arousal, but not other types of arousal (such as nervousness, or fear - arousal often has a very different meaning in psychology than in popular usage).

When viewing lesbian sex and straight sex, both the homophobic and the non-homophobic men showed increased penis circumference.

For gay male sex, however, only the homophobic men showed heightened penis arousal.

Heterosexual men with the most anti-gay attitudes, when asked, reported not being sexually aroused by gay male sex videos. But, their penises reported otherwise.

Homophobic men were the most sexually aroused by gay male sex acts.

About the sample study...

The authors investigated the role of homosexual arousal in exclusively heterosexual men who admitted negative affect toward homosexual individuals. Participants consisted of a group of homophobic men (n = 35) and a group of non-homophobic men (n  = 29); they were assigned to groups on the basis of their scores on the Index of Homophobia (W. W. Hudson & W. A. Ricketts, 1980). The men were exposed to sexually explicit erotic stimuli consisting of heterosexual, male homosexual, and lesbian videotapes, and changes in penile circumference were monitored. They also completed an Aggression Questionnaire (A. H. Buss & M. Perry, 1992). Both groups exhibited increases in penile circumference to the heterosexual and female homosexual videos. Only the homophobic men showed an increase in penile erection to male homosexual stimuli. The groups did not differ in aggression. Homophobia is apparently associated with homosexual arousal that the homophobic individual is either unaware of or denies.

SOURCE: Homophobic Men Most Aroused by Gay Male Porn | Psychology Today